He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
