you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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