biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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