I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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