Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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