I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
