did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
