Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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