someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
