Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
