I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
