dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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