R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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