Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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