i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
