is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
im six kinds of drunk right now
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
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he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
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look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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