Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
