Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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