Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
