I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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