i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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