Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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