We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
