What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
