Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
