I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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