Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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