Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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