i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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