don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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