i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
