just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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