You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize