The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
