i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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