And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i came on her dog
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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