She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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