Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
