ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
