this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
