the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
