oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
