i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
