question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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