My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
