Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize