Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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