Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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