I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
