I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
