....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
