dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
