12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
