After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
