I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
