Can i not drive my cunt home
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
