Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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