Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just cut my nipple shaving
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
