Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
