"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
