The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
