I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You took a bar mat shot.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
