make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
