This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
