I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
