We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I fill condoms, not promises.
sex in a hospital.. check
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
